Long but not slow!

Boring days at work make the day seems so long! Fast furious days makes  it seem shorter (but not necessarily more fun). Holiday or weekend seems longer than fast furious day but shorter than the boring days. Why? I get it, slightly, after this.

 

Fading away..

 Not that I have been nostalgic in the recent past, but I’ve been thinking a lot about memories. Memories are like all other things in life; strange, discomforting and useless. And like for all other things, there are exceptions to this generalization, i.e not all memories are strange, discomforting and useless. Some are pleasant and strangely comforting. But the thing with memories is the exceptions are so few and far between (now isn’t that why they are called exceptions?!) 

I wonder how one’s brain processes memories. For me memories fade away with time, little by little, like shadows being consumed by fading ray of light (did I just sound like N.S.Sidhu? No!). Is that how it works for most people? Or is my brain so stupid and dumb? Or does it depend on the nature of the event one is trying to remember? 

 If I were to sit and pen down some favourite or important, life scarring/changing (not that my life has changed a bit, it continues to be as banal as ever, sigh!) memories I would be at a loss of words/thoughts. I remember I was chased by a bull some time when I was 8 or maybe even younger – not that it is one my favourite things to remember – but the memory of that incident is so distant now that at times I wonder if it did happen or if it is just a figment of my imagination. 

Is it sad that I can’t remember much from the past – it shows how uneventful my life has been thus far? Is it natural that I don’t – given that I stuff my brain with so much stuff that I have no place in it for the past (whom am I kidding!)? Or is it good that I don’t – because then I don’t have to live in regret or hold on to past glory (I have neither glory nor regrets btw)?  

Now, it is not as though I have been hit on the head and am suffering from filmy amnesia that another bump could/would cure. As I grow older (curiously, why does it seem as though I am growing older twice as fast as others?) memories that were once vivid are becoming so faint that I begin suspecting their occurrence. 

This is why I was thrilled to read the first chapter of ‘Norwegian Wood’; reading which is what in the first place made me think about my experiences with my memories and my inability to recall them; hence this post. Now, now, is it not a memorable post ?!

 

60 yrs …

It’s that time of the year again! I am enthused by this day every year – not that I do anything great to show my enthusiasm – but it’s the thought that counts, ain’t it? (or should I say ‘in it’?)

So, when I was asked to do some ads for a charity that are dealing with floods in India – a chain of thoughts flooded my brain. I decided to make my contribution – but then the whole cynicism process set in. Don’t NGOs come with the usual baggage of suspicions? Whether the NGOs are really a big farce or those suspicions is a way to not help and not feel bad about not helping, I don’t know. Anyways, I suddenly imagined as I often do, that I pick up a fight with people around me because they called India poor (no, no one has ever done that in my office). I start accusing Brits, call them robbers and go on about the glory of India. Midway I ask myself, are we holding on far too much to our past glory? What has happened can’t be changed, but what will can be.

Suddenly people pounce on me – ‘if you are so fond of India, what the hell are you doing here?’ The obvious answer under these circumstances is ‘to take some of the money you guys robbed from us back home’. At this point I start laughing at myself – can any one sound sillier? Yes, I know the reasons why I am here and none of them has anything to do with wanting to avenge what the English did to India. I am not that vengeful or ‘passionate’ about anything, am I?

I realize there is no point blaming any body for the current state of affairs in India except ourselves. On the one hand, there is this ‘obvious development’ (if you can call it that) in the urban areas that everyone’s talking about and on the other there is more poverty and misery. That the system needs changing, everyone knows. But what do I do about it? Nothing – and I probably never will. So, is there any point thinking about it? That’s when I feel like this crazy selfish hypocrite! Well, that’s me..

This leads to the question, what do the scores of other Indians who go abroad and work and live have to say? Some answers I have heard from the NRIs – better opportunities (career and hence money!); we are earning money and taking it back to India and investing there, thereby contributing to the economic growth; we are opening India to the world outside and the outside world to India and such stuff; Even if it sounds selfish/weird, I guess there is a certain element of truth in it. They then retaliate – does one have to live in ones land to be patriotic? What do people living in India do to alleviate the problems?

Like for everything else, I have no answers to any of these questions. At this point, I am searching for the true meaning of the word ‘patriotism’? What does patriotism mean in today’s world? How does one gauge ones patriotism? Are you a patriot only if – you see your national flag burning, fall on it and get your pants on fire; or only if you haven’t ever set foot out of your country to work or holiday? Or if you vote for Taj Mahal to be the worlds wonder even if you don’t care, don’t know why it should be one?

Idealism, some say is not practical. I have no choice but to accept that that’s true (at least in my case!), for I have to this date only spoken, never acted on any of the ideas/ideals I nurture. I have wished many times that I were a part of pre-independence India – so I could show off my patriotism by fighting fervently for a cause. But alas, living in one’s mind isn’t enough; at least it is not enough to make a difference. Has this post made a difference? Don’t answer that, please.

Well, what am I trying to say? Simply this – Happy Independence day!